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  • Writer's pictureHelene de Taeye

Empathy Over Aggression: How Women Can Help Dismantle Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity is a term that has gained significant attention in recent years, often appearing in discussions about gender equality and social justice. Yet, the concept remains misunderstood by many. At its core, toxic masculinity refers to cultural norms and behaviors that emphasize aggressive, domineering, and unemotional attributes in men while devaluing traits considered "feminine," such as empathy and vulnerability. This rigid view of masculinity harms not only men but also women and society as a whole.


This article will define toxic masculinity, explore its historical context, and provide strategies for recognizing and countering this behavior. Our focus will be on actionable steps that we can take to address toxic masculinity in their personal lives, fostering healthier and more equitable relationships.


man overlooking water

Toxic masculinity is characterized by behaviors and attitudes that:

  • Promote aggression and dominance: Men are encouraged to assert power over others, often through physical strength or intimidation.

  • Discourage emotional expression: Emotional vulnerability is seen as a weakness, leading men to suppress feelings and avoid seeking help.

  • Reinforce traditional gender roles: Men are expected to be breadwinners and protectors, while women are relegated to supportive or subordinate roles.

  • Devalue traits associated with femininity: Empathy, compassion, and nurturing are considered less valuable and unmanly.


Historical Context of Toxic Masculinity


The roots of toxic masculinity can be traced back to various cultural and historical factors:

  • Victorian Era Ideals: The Victorian era emphasized strict gender roles, with men seen as stoic providers and women as delicate homemakers. These ideals contributed to the notion that emotional expression was inappropriate for men.

  • Industrial Revolution: As men took on labor-intensive jobs, physical strength and endurance became valued traits, further entrenching the idea that men should be tough and unemotional.

  • 20th Century Media: Film, television, and advertising in the 20th century often depicted hyper-masculine heroes who used violence to solve problems and rarely showed vulnerability.


These historical influences have contributed to the contemporary understanding of masculinity, often perpetuating harmful stereotypes and behaviors.


Recognizing Toxic Masculinity


  • Aggressive Behavior: Men who frequently resort to aggression or violence to solve conflicts may be exhibiting toxic masculinity.

  • Emotional Suppression: Men who avoid discussing their feelings or view emotional expression as weak are often influenced by toxic masculinity norms.

  • Rigid Gender Roles: Men who strictly adhere to traditional gender roles, such as believing that household chores are "women's work," may be exhibiting toxic masculinity.

  • Devaluation of Femininity: Men who belittle or devalue traits considered feminine, such as empathy or cooperation, are reinforcing toxic masculinity.


Countering Toxic Masculinity: Steps you can take



book cover the will to change

  • Read and Share Resources: Familiarize yourself with literature on toxic masculinity and gender equality. Books like "The Will to Change" by bell hooks and articles from reputable sources can provide valuable insights. Share these resources with the men in your life to spark conversations.

  • Promote Positive Role Models: Highlight and celebrate men who challenge traditional notions of masculinity by being empathetic, cooperative, and emotionally expressive. Share stories and examples of these role models with others.


  • Foster Safe Spaces: Create environments where men feel comfortable expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. Encourage open and honest discussions about feelings and vulnerabilities.

  • Model Emotional Expression: Demonstrate healthy emotional expression in your own behavior. Show that it's okay to feel and share a wide range of emotions.


  • Speak Up: When you encounter toxic behaviors or attitudes, address them calmly and constructively. Explain why certain behaviors are harmful and offer alternative ways of thinking.

  • Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries regarding acceptable behavior. Let the men in your life know that aggressive or domineering behavior is unacceptable.


  • Encourage Empathy-Building Activities: Suggest activities that foster empathy, such as volunteering, participating in community service, or engaging in team-building exercises that require cooperation and understanding.

  • Practice Active Listening: Show genuine interest in the perspectives and feelings of others. Encourage men to listen actively and empathetically in their interactions.


  • Normalize Seeking Help: Encourage men to seek professional help when dealing with emotional or psychological issues. Normalize the idea that seeking therapy or counseling is a sign of strength, not weakness.

  • Provide Resources: Share information about mental health resources, such as counseling services, support groups, and hotlines. Make it clear that these resources are available and beneficial for everyone.


  • Encourage Equality in Relationships: Advocate for relationships based on mutual respect and equality. Challenge traditional gender roles within relationships and promote shared responsibilities.

  • Support Non-Traditional Masculine Traits: Encourage men to embrace empathy, cooperation, and nurturing traits. Reinforce the idea that these qualities are valuable and commendable.


Toxic masculinity is a pervasive issue that affects individuals and society as a whole. By understanding its roots, recognizing its manifestations, and taking proactive steps to counter it, we can promote healthier and more equitable relationships. Fostering awareness and encouraging positive change in the men around us can be a powerful way to challenge toxic masculinity and contribute to a more inclusive and compassionate world.


Resources for Further Reading and Support


  1. Books:

  • "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks

  • "Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men" by Michael Kimmel

  • "Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood" by William Pollack

  1. Articles and Websites:

  • The Good Men Project: An online community that explores modern masculinity and encourages positive change.

  • A Call to Men: An organization promoting healthy, respectful manhood.

  1. Support Services:

  • Therapy and Counseling: Websites like Psychology Today offer directories of therapists and counselors specializing in men's issues.


Discussion

How can we create environments that encourage men to embrace healthier expressions of masculinity? Share your thoughts and personal experiences in the comments below.

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